a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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