If that was your dad, he is hot
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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