eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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