I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
