It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
