lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
