we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
