so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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