do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize