Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
