her vagine was all disorganized.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Randomize
