Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
