gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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