Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize