You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
they need to just BURY HIM!
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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