there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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