yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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