does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
