And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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