yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
