He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
