Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
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I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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