Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
