I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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