You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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