twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize