Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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