69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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