no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
