i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Randomize
