you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
