I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
