i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
