that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
