idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize