I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
The feeling are messing with the penis
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
