do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
