i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I've blown a few things in my day
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
