my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I feel great
I just peed on a car
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
