OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
