yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
ttyl tear gas
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
