Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
