Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
