well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
