I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
