So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
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