so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
