Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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