A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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