I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
