Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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