If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
