you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
