Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
