That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
