We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
