I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
