you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
