dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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